Saturday, November 29, 2008

The Mask

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Honor thy father and thy mother... Oh, Lord, why did you give me such a hard commandment to keep?!

I haven't finished reciting my rosary... I kneel on my knees for hours and pray for my son... You would never know that I am talking about the same person...

She came to my door and banged on it hard, as if she was mad. What did I do? If she didn't want me to drive her, she should have gone by herself or gotten on the bus... She stomped down the stairs, as I followed behind. When she got in the car, she quickly pushed down the button that turns the air off... and all the way up, she criticized people and told me five times that I am fat... that I need to push myself away from food... that I need to put on some hiking boots and climb a mountain somewhere... the fat talk just goes on and on...

Why is she so critical? Why is she so hateful? She says that is the way Grandfather was, but he was never like that. She criticizes everyone except the people she likes. She is always so hateful towards me, but as long as there is no one to witness it, she keeps that hatred a secret between us...

So I mention that I don't believe in being angry, that there should be more forgiveness in the world. She snaps back that she does believe in being angry, because it is a way to honor your parents and your ancestors. She says I don't honor my father because I don't have a flagpole with a flag in front of my house which is funny because she has a house but doesn't have a flagpole. I live in an apartment. I am not allowed to do that...

On the way back, it was no different. I drove all the way back with no air. She continued to sound mad at me... She continued to tell me that I am fat... She continued to say stupid things like only boys are special because they carry the seed...

It's funny how she is so different around other people. What have I done that makes her hate me so much?

How can she continue to hide behind the mask of making people think that she is a servant of God? I just don't get it...

XX

6 comments:

Miss Slick One said...

I am so sorry you are going thru that! Wow! How .... I can't even think of a word for how you must feel.
You are BOTH in my prayers.
Phyllis

Coelha :B said...

You are dealing with a very unsecure person. Don't take her harsh words to heart--she has a warped sense of reasoning as to why she is feeding her own insecurities towards you. Sending you good thoughts--Hugs - Julie

Lynne said...

Sorry, was a bit behind on blogs. My goodness sounds like she is Menopausal! She needs to leave that A/C on and take a chill pill! LOL

Hang in there, this too will pass!

Dannelle said...

Ok, I understand, because my Mom was a little nutsy too! If fact she was diagnosed as being a paranoid-manic-depressive schizophenic- which is a very strange combination- I nerver knew when she would go from wonderful to angry to just weird- Just remember we all love you and it's ok to have a bad thought once and a while- God understands and forgives! Dannelle

Bethe said...

My mother is very similar. I have learned to say that "I am what I am ans that is all that I am" and that if she continures to behave uncivil to me than she doesn't get my company. It's not out fo anger, but IS setting boundries.

I sotpped having Thanks giving at my house becasue of her behavior a couple of yrs ago. I'd rather spend it with people I like being around. Life it too short to be put on the defensive or be abused verbally. Whether she is older, or your mother, or has a medical problem that makes her that way. Just say, "NO, I'm not going to be someone's punching bag" And you can say that also. Set limits Win...You can do it.

(HUGS)

MISSY said...

My mother is not hateful in such an obvious way. She's very manipulative and two faced. Either way, it's wrong. I understand were you are coming from. Just because she gave birth to you does not make her a mother. *M*