Update

My boss called me in today to tell me again to shape up my attitude and to be more professional. Say WHAT?!@# It is their word against mine, but there's four of them and only one of me, so he doesn't care what I have to say. It was easy for them to get their supervisor, my friend, fired. How much easier will it be for them to do the same to me?! The Eye sees only what they want him to see. Please pray for me to find another job somewhere else before it is too late. Guess this is why I never found an apartment in the area where I work!

XX

-=-For the Ladies-=-

If you like it, you better put a ring on it!

LOL

:::TWISTED:::

LOL @ I love this graphic... Reminds me of Youth Leadership Camp... teehee...

As always, the weekend was too short! It's Monday and it's back to work with the She-Devils. Grrr... Too bad I can't ask them questions because they never answer them...

I had a Sponsor come to visit with one of my kids. Tomorrow, I have 2 Sponsors coming... I have a kid who ages out on Saturday. That means the case has to be turned in, approved, and airfare needs to be in by Friday but the case is still incomplete. The Eyes spoke to us after work, because he wants us to help with transportation. He is showing favoritism again, sending me to court to sit there doing nothing in the lobby when he knows that I have an airfare ticket to pick up and I have two visits scheduled. Why can't he send the one who doesn't have anything to do? Is he testing me to see if I will rebel?! Is he trying to get me to quit or to speak out of turn to give him the ammunition to fire me?!#

I wish I could work with people who value my worth instead of people who try to wipe their feet on me as if I were some sort of doormat...

For the kids... I have to remind myself over and over again... I am there for the kids I serve, not for The Eye or for the people who think they are so superior because they are married with a second income and money to burn.... Single people... we have it rough when we are down, because we have no one to lift us up, but I can't help but remember the words of one of the boys who said that all of their husbands are fat and ugly. No wonder they are always PMS-ing. LOL...

Deeply apologetic for all the venting, but if I don't do it, I'll go MAD, I tell ya! MAD! MAD! LOL

:::The Guardian:::

Every day on the way to work, I recite the 23rd Psalm, the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be, the Prayer to my Guardian Angel, and then, I adlib a short prayer to ask God to be with me throughout the day, to thank Him for the Blessings in my life, and to Bless and Protect the people I love... but one day last week, I just didn't have it in me to say my prayers...

@->----

LIFE with the people I work with has been such a horrible series of events... I don't fit in... I do my work, but I do not say a word unless if I am asked something about my cases. I am not part of the click... It's as bad as my first marriage: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, have no fun. Just be a "yes" person, just be passive, just do what they tell you. Don't bother to have ideas. Don't bother to have opinions. Don't bother to have a personality! LOL...

@->----

Everyday that I am there, I keep telling myself that I am not there to be friends with the She-Devils... I am there for the people I serve... If I go to another job, it will just be geography, because jealousy always follows me wherever I go... Being single is hard, because I cannot put my head on anybody's shoulder when I feel down... I just have to bite my tongue and keep on going...

@->----

But the morning after the day that I couldn't pray, I opened the car door to get into my car... and there it was... There was a little white feather on the floor in the back of the driver's seat. How did it get there? It wasn't as if the wind had blown it in... Nobody gets into my car but me... I have not been around feathers ever since Tidbit passed away...

@->----

... I smiled to myself, knowing that my Guardian Angel left a little feather behind... just a tiny reminder that He is always there to Guide me, to Protect me, to Comfort me and to LOVE me, even if there are no humans in my life to hug me...

@->----

XX

:::Well beHAVED Women:::

What a week this has been! Thank God It's FRIDAY!!!!!!! On Tuesday, I had to take a drug screening at work. On Wednesday, I was written up for multiple allegations and a warning to behave. I was warned that if I tried to defend myself, it would count against me. That's what I get for trusting the She-Devils. What was I thinking?!!! Obviously, it was a hung jury! On Thursday, I was forced to drive the van again. Yesterday, my goal was to make it through the day without crying... On top of that, there are other personal issues that I really don't want to deal with right now. Prayers requested here! Grrr @ when will it get better?!

XX,

Winivere =.)

-=REFLECTIONS=-

Good Friday is always a reminder of the day I died. It is hard to believe that was 29 years ago. I only asked Him to keep me alive until my girls were prepared for life. To me, that meant after they received their education and were ready to face the world, but God continues to keep me on this earth. I do not know why I am still here. I only know that God still wants me here.

-=-

So here I am, reflecting on my life 29 years later... Once was a time when I scratched my claws through life to better myself for the sake of my children. Once was a time when I would go through any sacrifice for them. My body was strong and my mind was alert... It was as if I was invincible... Somehow, I managed to get myself through college. Somehow I managed to juggle home, work, and school while trying to play both roles of mom and dad...

-=-

As I read through this year's entries, I recognize that I continue to be stuck within the wheels of survival... With injury after injury, my body is no longer as strong and my mind is no longer as alert... My mind and my body are tired, but single people, like me, have no other choice but to keep working in order to continue to stay alive... I wish there was something that I could do to change having to be stuck at survival all the time. How can I get ahead?!#

-=-

Happy Easter

LOL @ kinky rabbits and chicks!?!!# Hope everyone is having a great Easter holiday...

It has been a screaming kind of week... Because I was out one week, I had to catch up with two... Unfortunately, I wasn't in the office the whole time. On Tuesday, I had to overcome my fear, because I was forced to drive the van. On Wednesday, my coworker said the Eye said I had to take five kids to court. When I got to court, they laughed at us, because we were a month early... On Thursday, we had to be outside with the kids, because we had an Easter Field Day for the kids. The kids got to fly kites, hunt for Easter eggs, and play games like a water balloon toss and a 3-legged race... OMG @ I never really got caught up, but at least I was able to submit one case for approval...

The She-Devils are still being mean and hurtful. Defending myself has not worked. I wonder what they would do if I cried... Maybe I need to take out my acting skills for a spin... I hate bullies... It's like reliving my childhood all over again... What do She-Devils do on the Sabbath?

XX

:::SCREAM LOUDLY HERE:::

iiiiiiiSCREAM!!!!!!!!

:::SCREAM Quietly HERE:::

I hope this entry won't need a lot of d's because I am not going to take the time to cut an* paste them on this entry... Mon*ay, I ha* to turn in my *octor's excuse by 5:00. My *octor comes in the afternoon, so I ha* to wait to call him. The receptionist is an airhea*. She never gets the excuse right. This time was no exception. She *i*n't but if I was able or unable to return to work or on what *ay. She put "until further notice," so of course my employer *i*n't accept it. At 3:00 p.m. (after I ha* worke* all *ay), they tol* me to go to the *octor to get the excuse correcte*, because the *octor sai* they are not able to fax an excuse. As usual, the receptionist fille* it out wrong twice. The last one, she went over the able-unable part, but refuse* to fill it out again, so we'll see if my employer accepts it or not.

When I showe* the excuse to my employer yester*ay, he sai* that I will not be able to return if it is for light *uty because they nee* for me to *rive an* to *o a take-*own if nee*e*. What? When I was hire*, I was not tol* that I woul* have to *rive. That is what *irect care workers *o. I wipe* out all of my time, so I will not be able to take any time off an* I might not have the time to take off for camp in August. Is it time to look for another job?

XX

First Day Back at Work

I go back to work today. My body is hurting. Prayers requested today, please. Doctor said to play today by ear. If I don't feel well, he said for me to go back to see him. That would be another $30 and I have already spent $60 last week, not counting medications. I didn't get the medications for the infection because that woulc be another $88! Grrr... I hope I can make it through the day.

XX

You Make My Heart BLOOM

Thank you for all the Get Well wishes... Besides the pulled ligament and the high blood pressure, I think I have some kind of infection that went overlooked... The medication makes me sleepy, so I have been sleeping a lot, which is good for my recovery. The pain killers are pretty good. Yesterday, I was able to wash the dishes and clean up a little bit, but I wasn't able to finish, because my head hurts so bad and there is a lot of pressure in my eyes... so I have been spending most of my time resting and sleeping. Today, I spent all morning sleeping, which is very unusual for me, so that tells you that I am sick!

I am surprised that there is absolutely nothing good to watch on TV during the day... Yesterday, some doctors were talking about sex but even that was boring. LOL... For those of you who are married, why are you married if you don't have sex? I just don't get it...

The Waiting Room

My boss said that I would need an excuse to return to work, so I had to go in to see the doctor... Getting down the stairs was kind of tricky, but by the grace of God, I made it into the parking lot. I told Jones that I needed his help and gently asked him not to fail me now! Well, we made it, although I was painfully limping from my car into the doctor's office...

I gave the receptionist my insurance card, and I waited. I think that waiting is a prerequisite for you to determine if you are really sick enough to wait for the doctor or healthy enough to stick it out at home... Unfortunately, I had to be there, because the Eye said so... And so I wait in the lobby...

Finally, the nurse comes for me and just about has a heart attack over my blood pressure reading... So for the next hour or so, she has me resting between multiple blood pressure readings, but of course, all the readings are the same! Hello @ that stupid woman doctor I saw the last time ignored me when I told her I needed blood pressure medication... So FINALLY, I am called into WAITing Room #2... where the patients wait for the doctor... Thank God there were no vaginas staring down on me. Believe me, posters of vaginas do not help to keep me entertained for the entire time that they make me wait...

Finally, the doctor showed up. The first thing he did was apologize for the wait, because some man chewed him out the day before for making him wait so long... I told him that I had actually been waiting for him since 8:00 a.m., when my boss told me that I had to see a doctor, because I specifically wanted to see him instead of the woman doctor, so for me, it was worth the wait... He looked at my leg and was surprised that the ankle bone was very swollen as well. He explained that even though such an injury would probably require an MRI reading to see what is actually wrong, the insurance requires for them to have an X-ray first. This seems kind of stupid, because an X-ray is only going to show the bones. LOL @ maybe insurance people need some kind of "Medical Tests for Dummies" manual...

And so, NOW they decide I need a wheelchair. LOL... I am wheeled away to the X-ray room to pose my leg for the X-ray shoot, but of course, the X-ray comes back reading as normal... Then, I am wheeled into a different room... a scary room full of vaginas. ::::SCREAM QUIETLY:::: The doctor returns with my chart in hand. He says the last time I had a blood test to see how my kidneys, etc, were functioning was in 2007, so he ordered Eddie the vampire to draw blood... As usual, the vampire could not find my veins, so he drew blood from the veins on my hand, which didn't hurt at all. Wow! And so, the doctor says he wants me out the rest of the week and I am to return on Friday to get re-evalutated. If all is well, I will be able to return on Monday... If not, he will need to order an MRI. He prescribed some pain killers and put me back on blood pressure medication... Eddie wheeled me to my car...

Then, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Yep @ it was another long wait..... Grrr...

So here I am this morning... I think my blood pressure is still bad, because my head feels as if someone split it in two with a hatchet. OUCH!